5 simple steps to go from busy and burning out, to balanced and content
By Victoria Tretis, ICF ACC
How do you find balance in your life? It’s not an easy question to answer. Some would argue that the notion of balance just isn’t possible.
We all have responsibilities and commitments as employers, employees, carers, parents, partners and friends - which means we spend an awful lot of our time doing things for others.
Stuff we like and gain personal fulfilment from
Stuff we are really good at but don’t enjoy
Stuff we accept we have to do because it’s our job
Stuff we feel obliged to do because we don’t want to upset people
And these are things that just “have to get done,” there’s no way around them.
Or is there?
Could it be the case that we’ve become so accustomed to being “busy” that we’re not sure how to do things any other way? I mean, if you’re not busy, what on earth are you doing?
Wearing the busy badge of honour is wearing us down
In a society that has designated busyness as a badge of honour, we rush from one obligation to the next, rarely taking time for ourselves to relax or enjoy life.You know how it is. Your to-do list is running off the table, you’ve got clients asking about deadlines, and you’re feeling frustrated that you’ve not even started the first item on your to-do list yet.
Plus, you’ve still got to send invoices, buy a birthday present for the party on Saturday, hoover the kitchen, renew the insurance and, and, and…
You’re over-committed, with no time to stop and think. And all of this matters because if we’re spending a significant portion of our time on energy-draining activities, then our lives will soon feel out of balance.
What life looks like when “busy” starts to tip the balance
When we’re constantly flitting between tasks and spreading ourselves too thinly, we never get the chance to switch off. As a result, we’re weighed down by the mental load associated with all these responsibilities and obligations and become increasingly dissatisfied with how our life feels.
We lose motivation because life feels increasingly boring.
We start resenting work because it’s becoming unfulfilling.
And we lose our sense of self because our roles as workers and carers shout loudest for our time and energy.
We're so busy we don't have time for the things that matter most.
This can manifest in ways like lack of sleep, stress, worry, anxiety and snapping at people we care about, all of which can be early signs of burnout.
But what if being busy isn’t how we want to live?
Maybe it's time to ditch the busy badge of honour, rethink our busy lifestyles and find a way to feel happier, balanced and more successful.
We only get one life, don’t we? So let’s make the most of it.
Does work-life balance really exist? And if so, how on earth do you actually achieve it?
The question then is how. How do we find the elusive “balance” that everyone seems to want, but no one’s clear about how you actually get it or whether it even exists.
To simplify things, let’s start with a reframe.
What does your version of balance look like?
When we switch to view things through that lens, then finding balance just means making time for the things that are important to you.
For some, that might be spending time with family and friends, being physically active or getting enough rest. For others, balancing work with personal time is key.
Let’s talk about five simple steps you can take to figure out your personal recipe for a balanced life.
#1 - Run a quick life audit
I know what you’re thinking.
I don’t have time for a ‘life audit.’ I wouldn’t be reading this article if I did!
I promise you, the benefits you’ll get from spending a little time on this will be life-changing. And it’s part of a bigger mindset shift to unlearn our knee-jerk response of “I’m too busy.”
Take a step back and look at where you’re spending your time and energy. How much time are you spending on stuff that lights you up and energises you versus stuff that feels like hard work and is draining? Are the scales tipped towards fulfilment?
To help you with this process, I’ve created a Balance for the Busy Beginners self-coaching workbook. It won’t take long - find somewhere quiet, grab a cuppa and download here to go through the quick exercises.
#2 Identify what’s really important/urgent in your life
Split your tasks into those that are urgent or important and those which can wait. Be brutally honest here. Then take a closer look at what’s left at the bottom of the list. You might find you can ditch some of those altogether.
The world won’t stop if you don’t immediately reply to the email that just came in. (And if you really want to get it out of your head and off your plate, then use the “send later” button!).
The new connection you made at a networking group won’t hate you forever if you politely postpone their virtual coffee invite because you’re already overcommitted.
The world won’t end if you don’t volunteer time you don’t even have to help with an upcoming event.
Also, I highly recommend this book* by Sarah Knight which is all about how you can stop spending time you don’t have, doing the things you don’t want to do, with the people you possibly don’t even like. Without a doubt, this is one of my favourite books of ALL time. Game. Changer.
#3: Find 10 minutes every day to do something that energises you
There is no specific answer or set of steps to follow on what this “should” look like.
It’s not maths: 10 minutes of meditation does not (necessarily) equal greater feelings of balance.
Think of it more like a science experiment: Test, analyse the results, tweak the method, and test again.
It’s about identifying what feels fulfilling and energising for you personally (not me, not your best mate, not your cousin half removed who insists cold water plunge pools are The Best Thing EVER) and doing more of that.
This could be:
Calling up a friend for a chat
Doing some exercise
Playing Candy Crush
Booking tickets for a gig
Listening to an audiobook while walking the dog
Dancing to your favourite Spotify playlist while you’re cooking dinner
When you're constantly on the go and juggling a lot of responsibilities, getting to the end of the day knowing that you’ve spent at least 10 intentional minutes on something that feels good for you will help you feel more balanced and rejuvenated.
And if you can’t think of anything right now, that’s okay. Just download Balance for the Busy and start there.
#4: Be more present, mindful and in the moment
This isn’t always easy when we have conflicting responsibilities and limited time. When we’re at work, we’re often thinking about home, life admin and checking that notification ping on our phone. When we’re at home, we’re thinking about work… and still checking that notification ping on our phone.
Research tells us that the average person checks their phone around 100 times a day. That’s almost once every 10 minutes. I bet you a virtual biscuit that if you stopped constantly checking your phone during the day, you’d reclaim around two hours of your life.
There is zero perfection here. It’s all about progress.
Progress for you might look like:
Switching your phone to “work mode” with only work-related notifications during work hours and then “personal mode” with zero work-related notifications in the evening
Committing to monotasking and working on only one task at a time rather than multitasking
Using an egg timer to focus on a task for a set period of time without any other distractions
Putting your phone out of sight
Small changes, one step at a time. They soon add up.
#5 Resist the urge to fill your plate straight back up again - by learning to say “no”
Once you’ve identified ways to create a little space in your life for the things that are most important to you, you need to figure out how to keep it like that. And a huge part of that is learning to say “no” more often to the things that really don’t matter. Think quality over quantity as you start filtering what you allow into your life. Don’t get me wrong, if this is not something that’s a habit for you, it can be incredibly difficult and uncomfortable at first. But once you get the hang of it - the rewards are SO worth it.
Discovering your version of balance is essential for your mental and physical health
Balance isn’t always easy to find. But it’s worth dedicating more time to exploring what this could look like for you so you can end your weeks feeling calm, accomplished and happy.
And if you’re struggling to know where to start, download my guide and identify areas where you can find more balance in your life.
*This is an affiliate link for Amazon UK and Be Well may receive a small payment if you buy using this link. Don't worry though - it doesn't cost you any extra and I only ever recommend stuff that I love.
About the author:
Victoria Tretis
Victoria Tretis is a certified coach helping clients gain more happiness, balance and success in their lives.
Striving Victoria strives to do the right thing, leads with exceptional ideas, commits to diversity and inclusion, and gives back to the community (she’s all set to run The London Marathon 2022 for The Miscarriage Association). This was the ethos Victoria followed during her time in the Fortune 500 world, and the values she embraces and lives by now.
Imagine ending each working week feeling calm, accomplished, and happy. Connect with Victoria for resources and coaching to help you achieve this.
Click here to follow Victoria and find out more about her coaching.